The $271 Billion Defeat

Jews Jaws Five

Shark America Five

Number of Earthquakes in the Past Seven Days: 250

Note: Expect a Disastrous Earthquake on December 26, 2007
Looking for the Peru-Chile Event

Today: Tactics of the Smallville Battle--Deep Penetration

Today's Code: Takusan Beikokujin Shindayo

All quiet on the micro front for the past two days, the enemy apparently went fishing while I went fission.

Let's move our story to the macro front.

Hmmm? Nothing to report there, except it seems the trees of Burnham Wood have moved a bit.

Hmmm? People say I'm crazy; that must be it; the United States of America has nothing to worry about on that score.

Hmmm? Or does it? Well, none of my business. I am an American slave, not an American citizen.

It seems time for a little comic relief.

At I.C. News we have uncovered a number of World War Two secrets which have never been revealed, but since so much time has passed I see no harm in revealing a couple.

At the start of the war there was a secret project to move children from North Dakota, South Dakota, Nebraska and Kansas to states on both coasts in order to raise the average IQ of those coastal states.

That is how I happened to be moved from St. John, North Dakota, to Bremerton, Washington, early in the war; and in fact I did raise the average IQ of the State of Washington.

The cover story was that my father had moved there to work in the Bremerton Naval Yard, and most people believed that story; but now the truth is revealed.

There is a World War Two story about the first George Bush to occupy the White House, about his being shot down and rescued by a submarine. There is film footage showing him below deck after being plucked from the sea.

That story is not exactly true, the truth was modified after Bush became a political figure.

Like the second Bush to occupy the White House, the first Bush was not a very good pilot.

He couldn't take off, he couldn't shoot straight, he was lucky to hit the planet when he dropped a bomb, and he was always damaging planes upon landing on aircraft carriers.

After screw-up after screw-up his Captain yelled at him, "Bush, if you don't do better I will have you swabbing the deck!"

So Bush really focused on doing well, and the next day he made a perfect take off.

He spotted three Jap Zeros and shot them all down.

He saw a Jap destroyer and dropped his bomb right down the smokestack and blew it to smithereens.

To top it off, he made a perfect landing.

Bush jumped down from his plane and ran toward the Captain, and he was pleased to see the Captain was at the same time walking toward his plane. Bush was thinking, "He is going to praise me!"

Bush called out, "Captain! Captain! I took off perfectly! I shot down three Jap Zeros! I sank a Jap destroyer! To top it off I made a perfect landing! I did not make any mistakes!"

The captain answered Bush with a grin, "Batu Yoou maku oneu biggu mistaku, Amelican fryer."

The Japanese then threw him overboard, and that was how he came to be picked up by the American submarine.

Now you know the real story.

I think I have told you the following joke before, but it is one of the best I have made up lately, so be polite and laugh, please.

If I get my constitutional and human rights back in time to run for the office of President of the United States, people will say I am too old; even though we all know 68 is the new 43.

My response to this will be, "I have improved with age. Sixty-eight years ago I could put my big toe in my mouth, and now I can put my whole foot in my mouth."

All joking aside, since I have gone fission while my psycho-fascist neighbors have gone fishin', I would suggest America end its torture-enslavement of me really, really soon.